current time: 12:20pm

current mood: uncomfortable

listening to: 8485 - hangar

I've come down with a cold and have been hacking up my lungs the past couple of days.

Last night was hell, I couldn't fall asleep. I stayed up long enough for the sun to rise and ask what troubles me.

Today I'm trying to combat the heavy feeling in my chest that comes with illness by doing my normal routines and habits; dishes, singing (though incredibly hoarse), practicing good hygeine and self-care...

I'm glad that the summer is now officially over. I thrive in the cooler weather, it brings me loads of nostalgia. It makes me feel energized and ready to take on whatever the world throws my way.

The past few days I've lazed about, though, and I've even gotten towards finishing off Pokémon Violet. I still need to battle Cassiopeia, the battle league and entire the great crater with Arven, though. I'm holding off on finishing the game entirely for when I feel better though, and can fully appreciate it more.

current time: 11:30pm

current mood: creative

listening to: brakence - intellectual greed

Letting go is very hard sometimes. Letting go of people: old friends, old lovers; letting go of your old self .

People change, as so as life. And change is good sometimes.

I struggle to fully let go of the past, and when I feel like I've started to let go and it doesn't feel as suffocating as before, I find myself trying to crawl back to it again, only because of it's familiarity.

Because the past, I know. Even if bad things happened in it, I know what happened in the past. The future is something I don't find familiarity or comfort in, it's a scary thing. The past is always with me, and I already know what happens in the past. So to go back to it would feel comforting; I already know what is planned for me. It's easy to live in the past when you can't see your future.

But on the otherhand, staying still and sitting comfortably in the past, not changing... that also sounds scary.

"What we long for is permanence, but everything in the known universe is transient." - Sharon Salzberg

Despite this roadbump, I know that the future will be great and I will create a lovely one.